Scared Silly: Moviedom’s Goofiest Monsters

Classic Horror Movies With Goofy MonstersWell, it’s that time of year again: the Halloween season, when every movie blog site worth its salt busts out the orange and black and starts cranking out lists of the creepiest, spookiest and most downright frightening films of all time. And there are certainly a lot to pick from. From the silent shockers of Lon Chaney, Sr. and Universal’s 1930s Lugosi/Karloff heyday, through the ’50s and ’60s transoceanic terror of England’s Hammer and Japan’s Toho studios, to the ’80s Splatterday Night Fever rampages of Jason and Freddy and the new century’s fascination with “torture porn” and remakes of Asian ghost stories, the horror genre seems as eternal and unstoppable as…well, the fiends and creatures that comprise it.

Let’s be honest, though. Some cinematic monsters are scarier than others. And for every classic menace like a Count Dracula, Godzilla, Norman Bates, or Jigsaw out there, there are also plenty of others that just don’t have what it takes. For example:

Robot Monster (1953) - The makers of this no-budget sci-fi tale couldn’t come up with the bucks needed for a metallic costume for their alien invader, so they did the next best thing and slapped a dual antennae-topped “space helmet” on gorilla-suited stuntman George Barrows, who had to act out his reactions like a sidewalk mime while another actor’s voice was dubbed in. The result was I, Robot meets Planet of the Apes, and unintentional hilarity.

The Twonky (1953) – To Americans in the early 1950s, nothing was scarier than Communism. And to the Hollywood moguls of the era, nothing was scarier than the rise of television. This rarely seen and ham-handed satire (reviewed in greater detail, as are many of the entries here,  by Movie FanFare’s own Dr. Strangefilm here), mixed the two to tell the story of a futuristic being from a totalitarian world who comes to Earth, inhabits college professor Hans Conreid’s new TV set, and follows him around on its spindly little legs while trying to run his life.

From Hell It Came (1957) – Remember the antagonistic apple trees in The Wizard of Oz? Well, the botanical bad guy in this Allied Artists South Seas shocker went them one better. An island prince is put to death for a crime he didn’t commit. But thanks to island magic or atomic radiation (the film’s a little sketchy on the hows and whys),  he returns to life as a vengeance-seeking mobile tree stump, complete with branches for arms and a Yosemite Sam-like scowl on its trunk, that the natives call Tabonga. It’s a little hard to be scared of a monster when you’re waiting for Woody Woodpecker to come along and reduce it to toothpicks.

The Giant Claw (1957) – Speaking of birds, this drive-in and late-night TV mainstay is one that lots of folks have seen bits of and, even if they can’t recall the actual title, fondly remember it as “that movie with the turkey/buzzard puppet attacking airplanes.”  Star Jeff Morrow, who faced much more credible alien menaces in such ’50s fare as This Island Earth and Kronos, once stated that he and the other cast members had no idea what the title creature would look like during shooting, and were dismayed at the film’s debut to see themselves acting terrified of what looked to be the mutant offspring of Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua and Looney Tunes’ Beaky Buzzard. Seriously, this thing should be hanging from a tree branch and have blindfolded kids take a whack at it with a stick to get at its candy-filled interior.

The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (1962) – Any one of a number of brain-related beasties from the ’50s and ’60s–from the brain-and-spinal cord creatures of Fiend Without a Face to the ginormous The Brain from Planet Arous to the pickled head of Der Fuhrer in They Saved Hitler’s Brain–might have qualified here, but this spot goes to Virginia Leith as title star “Jan in the Pan” (thanks, MST3K), the disembodied noggin who constantly berates mad scientist boyfriend Jason Evers for rescuing her and trying to do her a solid by finding a suitably stacked body she can perch on. At least there was the “pinhead in the closet” for some semblance of grotesquerie. By the way, why wasn’t this film called The Head That Wouldn’t Die, as originally planned?

The Creeping Terror (1964) – Whoever said carpet remnants stitched together and carried along by teenagers whose shoes are visible underneath can’t be scary? Anybody who’s ever tried to sit through this no-budget sci-fi tale that infamously features a narrator explaining the action with only a few snippets of dialogue (director/producer/star Vic Savage apparently couldn’t afford to shoot sound). Savage, also knowns as A.J. Nelson, assembled his mostly-amateur cast by having people in a California community invest in the film in exchange for a role. Needless to say, this was not a good investment.

Gamera the Giant Monster (1965) – Japan’s Daiei studio’s answer to Godzilla over at rival Toho, Gamera has been the star of no less than three different film series, with 12 movies to his credit, since the giant fire-breathing turtle made his big-screen debut in 1965. It’s a track record that lots of movie monsters would be happy to have, but, seriously…a giant. fire-breathing turtle, one who can fly by pulling his head and legs inside his shell, and then shooting flames from where his limbs were, sending him spinning into the atmosphere like a top? Lame.

Blood Freak (1972) - A man eating drug-laced turkey as part of an experiment turns into…a guy who walks around with a papier-mache turkey head over his own noggin and kills people so he can gobble (sorry) up their blood. Your fat uncle, wearing a gravy-stained undershirt and snoring on a recliner in the family room after Thanksgiving dinner, is more chilling than this waddle-necked noodnik.

Night of the Lepus (1972) – An Arizona town finds itself under attack  by a band of giant, mutated, carnivorous…rabbits? This movie’s producers, who bought the rights to an honest-to-goodness book entitled The Year of the Angry Rabbit and decided that they could do for lagomorphs what Alfred Hitchcock did for seagulls and crows in The Birds, should have taken a second or two to realize that there is no way you can film bunnies–even with ground-level cameras shooting up at their blood-soaked whiskers–without having them look like adorable bearers of chocolate eggs and other Easter treats.

The Thing with Two Heads (1972) – “They transplanted a white bigot’s head on a soul brother’s body!” What happens when an Best Actor Academy Award winner (Ray Milland) and a two-time Pro Bowl NFL star (Rosey Grier) put their heads together for a hip take on the mad scientist film? You get this sci-fi stinker that’s mixes The Defiant Ones with The Manster and is only funny when it’s trying not to be.

King Kong (1977) – Let’s face it: Whether it was the giant mechanical Kong that barely moved and was on-screen for all of four minutes, or simply Rick Baker in an ape suit, producer Dino De Laurentiis’ Kong just wasn’t scary. Sorry. (As for the Peter Jackson 2005 version, the scariest thing in that movie was probably Naomi Watts’ juggling scene.)

Leprechaun (1993) – I’m more than willing to accept diminutive, green-clad Irish sprites as breakfast cereal pitchmen, college sports mascots or WWE wrestlers. But as horror movie villains? Faith and Begorrah, no. The most frightening thing by far to come out of this movie was Jennifer Aniston’s big-screen career.

Well, that’s a dozen or so entries, and I didn’t even get around to discussing such inane and inanimate menaces as the killer floor lamp of Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes, the killer laundry-folding machine of The Mangler, or the killer condom of…er, Killer Condom. But what about you, fright fans? Which ghouls and goblins gave you giggles and guffaws instead of gulps and gasps? Share your bad monster movie memories in the comments.

  • Blair kramer

    Where’s TROG?  I don’t see TROG!  You forgot TROG!  How could you forget TROG?!  It’s a comedy classic!  TROG is one of the best bad horror films of ALL time (by the way:  it makes no sense to mention the two KING KONG remakes. They were not meant to be taken as horror films.  They’re action/adventure thrillers.)!

    • Gary Cahall

      Now, Blair, let’s be fair. The poor caveman-like brute in TROG isn’t really the monster of the film. That would be Joan Crawford. 

      • Smilee306

        Lol.

      • Bruce Reber

        Speaking of monsters, check out Joan in director William Castle’s 1964 cult thriller “Strait Jacket”. An almost 60-year old wearing a tight skirt, jangly earrings, makeup and wig trying to look like 25, running around chopping off heads with an axe! Now that’s totally scary! We find out at the end it was really her daughter who was doing the decapitating (she’d witnessed her mom lopping off her husband’s and his lover’s head twenty years earlier). It’s a good thing “Trog” was JC’s last movie – I shudder to think how much further she would have sunk after this crapfest!

        • hypatiab7

          That happened to so many famous actors who didn’t make it onto Broadway or tv. Two actors I was glad to see make it were Ray MIlland
          (after that dreadful ‘Two-Headeded Monster’ thing). Milland started playing
          villains on tv shows and in some movies. He turned out to be excellent
          as a sophisticated baddie. And, Roddy McDowell turned out to be an
          excellent professional photographer, so he just took whatever acting
          jobs he felt like taking. I was lucky enough to see him portray the British cop in a stage version of “Dial M For Murder” here in Philly.

          • Bruce Reber

            The movie you’re thinking of is “The Thing With Two Heads” (1972). BTW, did you know Crawford appeared in one of the first episodes of the suspense anthology series “Night Gallery” (NBC-TV, 1969-72), hosted by Rod “The Twilight Zone” Serling? I forget the title, but it was about a blind woman who was willing to do anything to regain her eyesight., and it was directed by Steven Spielberg, just two years before his breakthrough movie “Duel”. I think Milland appeared on an episode of “Columbo”.

  • Movie Fan

    “Teenagers From Outer Space,” (1959), with Dawn Anderson and David Love…One of the best examples of bad acting ever! I actually like the movie, but it’s just awful. 

    • hypatiab7

      The only person who could actually act was the old character actor who played the girl’s grandfather.
      Everyone else was awful. But, I love this movie, too. It’s another example of being so bad that it’s good. David Love was a fake name for the guy who wrote, produced and starred in “Teenagers From
      Outer Space”. And, all the teenagers were in their 30′s. Plus, all the skeletons of the people and one
      dog that got zapped were held together by metal wires.

    • Tom

      Oh, I did lovoe that movie!  Old Gramps was such a hoot!  AND I loved it when they “vaporized” the snotty rich girl at her own pool party!

    • Bruce Reber

      The “teenagers” (30-somethings in jumpsuits) were preparing the Earth (i.e. exterminating all humans) for raising their “Gargan Herd” (giant lobsters). I’d liked to have seen one of those things to see how big they actually were!

  • dog888k

    Don’t forget Rubber. the killer car tire who explodes peoples’ heads who offend it, and then rounds up a lot of other killer tires, and they all roll toward Hollywood, giving the viewer hope that they may explode a lot of people in the current entertainment world.

  • Little Blackbear

    I’d have to say either the lame CG monsters in The Thing 2011, or the giant from Monster-a-go-go

  • OZ ROB

    The VW Beetle dressed up to look like an angry Echidna or Porcupine seeking revenge on the locals in Peter Weirs ,The Cars That Ate Paris from 1974 his first major film … 

    • Bruce Reber

      I’ve never heard of TCTAP, let alone seen it! Is it available on DVD, and where can I get it?

      • OZ ROB

        Hi there Bruce this film is available, if I can not find something here at MU, I always then go to Amazon where as a collector I find many rare titles.

  • http://twitter.com/Bryankr Bryan Ruffin

    I have actually seen several of the movies listed! Horror of horrors! You know, the people that got away with making some of these, HAD to be related to or else had blackmail on the studio execs!  Night of the Lepus!?! Really?? Killer bunnies. Wow. 

  • Brx199

    Don’t forget the cucumber monster in It Conquered th World, or the radioactive mutant in Day the World Ended. I almost forgot the Crab Monsters.

    • hypatiab7

      Ah, yes, the Crab monsters. The crabs got smarter and smarter and the movie got worse and worse.

      • Bruce Reber

        I don’t think the crabs got any smarter (how smart can a crab be?), but they did speak in the voices of their victims.

        • hypatiab7

          The crabs weren’t just getting the voices of their victims; they were
          also gaining their knowledge.

          • Bruce Reber

            Thanks for the correction – again, another movie I haven’t seen in a while. Another reminder that I’ll have to see all of the classic horror/sci-fi movies mentioned here (and a few others that aren’t). I assume that all are available on DVD from MU – I already have one (Teenagers From Outer Space), but I’ll have to get busy and order the rest from MU.

  • Janet Smith

    It Came From Hollywood featured a number of these stinkbombs along with Dan Ackroid, John Candy, and Gilda Radner. As for Night of Lepus, don’t know which was cheesier, the rabbits or DeForest Kelly’s moustache.

    • hypatiab7

      Poor De. He must have been trying to hide behind that silly moustache.

      • Bruce Reber

        With the “Star Trek” TV reruns residuals and ST movies just ahead, he surely didn’t have any money problems – what was he doing in this stinker?!

        • hypatiab7

          This may have been made before all the residuals started coming in.
          Lots of conctracts didn’t even mention residuals backs in the 60s. Actors
          had to go to court to get anything back then. Look at how many decades it took for the guys who created Superman to get any credit.

          • Bruce Reber

            “Night Of The Lepus” came out in 1972, three years after “Star Trek” left network TV, and about the time the series was starting to air in syndication. The laws regarding TV rerun residuals may have changed by the 70′s, so Kelley might have started receiving them when NOTL was released, or a couple years later.

  • Tom K.

    One of my Nephews and I seek out these really lame ” horror ” movies and have lots of fun watching them.  There was one with Giant Spiders that had a Volkswagen-like body and looked like 10 guys were only slightly controlling the 6 or 8 legs.  One of the spider’s first “victims” was last seen CLIMBING deep into the spider’s mouth, half heartedly screaming all the way.  We were shouting ” Stop Climbing and Jump ” !  I almost spilled my popcorn.

  • Pioneer461

    Monolith Monsters!  There’s nothing like a bunch of rocks threatening to destroy your home town to get the blood flowing with a massive adrenaline rush. 

    • hypatiab7

      That one was so bad it was bad. Every two seconds you’d see a monolith of rock coming up out of the ground. Boring!

  • Tammy

    Eddie Deezen in” Polish Vampires from Burbank”  If it was any cheesier, it would melt.  Gary Busey as a Killer Gingerbread boy, hope he got alot of dough to do that one!

    • Bruce Reber

      Great pun there! LOL!

  • Mary

    Well, who else???  Goofy!

  • Debbie

    Beach Girls and the Monster. That stringy rubber suit was truly bad. The only thing that saved the movie was the bump and grind music.

  • Dr. Phibes

    Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side

    • Nick

      Sandra and the movie were fine. It’s your comment that’s cheesy.

  • Paul Castiglia

    Since your piece is on the “Silly” side, I’d like to plug my blog-to-book project, “Scared Silly: Classic Hollywood Horror-Comedies.”  I’m reviewing as many horror-comedy shorts and features from the 1920s through 1960s as possible at http://scaredsillybypaulcastiglia.blogspot.com

    I’m also no stranger to Movie Fanfare – one of my pieces (on collecting Super 8 movies) was re-purposed last year and readers can see it at http://www.moviefanfare.com/cut-ups-creeps-right-in-your-living-room/#.UI6bpG_HWzk

    Happy haunting!

    • leigh

      What about the movie-The lost skeleton of cadavra””

  • Scribe_well

    I admit it: for all its faults, I love THE GIANT CLAW.  Jeff Morrow at his chinniest, Mara Corday at her bustiest and title creatures don’t get much cheesier.  What’s not to enjoy?

    • leigh

      Remember The lost skeleton of cadavra?It was a real crappy one with a talking skeleton and a couple goofy acting people from mars I think.It might have been another planet though,im not sure.

  • tom

    I think you’re confused as to the King Kong ’77.  Naomi Watts was in the latest Kong, the 21st century model.  The one in the 70s starred Jessica Lange.  By the way, I liked them both.  My three favorite screen heroines are Fay Wray, Jessica and Naomi…..Ann Darrow…..as noted by What’s his name in the original as “the bravest girl in the world” !

    tom

    • Smilee306

      If you go back and look, he’s referencing the two seperately, both as not being particularly frightening…

  • Ftimmins

    It’s great to be reminded of all these old flicks that become more cheesy as they age.  On the other hand, it seems that this movie “The Twonky” might have more of a serious message that we should take to heart.  I had never even heard of the movie until reading this posting.  I think I will try to find it.

    • Bruce Reber

      IMO “The Twonky” may have had a message at that (but very 1950′s and certainly NOT serious) – that TV was a Communist plot to brainwash and enslave America. I have a VHS recording of “The Twonky”, but I’d like to have a DVD. Message or not, seeing Hans Conreid being terrorized by a walking TV set is just soooo hilarious!!!

  • comicbookal

    The creature displayed in The Beast From The Haunted Cave (1959) was definitely “bottom of the barrel” cheesy but for spill your popcorn hilarity nothing really tops The Giant Claw (1957). I was really disappointed  at the time in the very early ’60′s when I watched this on New York’s channel 7 during science fiction week that the station would do ever so often where they would present many of the science fiction and horror films ( mostly from American International and Universal International as it was known then) of the ’50′s. The bird monster looked like something out of a bugs bunny cartoon so there was nothing frightening about it at all to my very young eyes at that time. Another ridiculous looking  so called “terrifying” monster was Reptilicus (1961) which had a movie poster that actually looked better than the cinematic creature itself.  Don’t get me wrong because these films are still fun to watch for all of us “monster kids” who were around during that time frame even with their “not so special” effects that still captured our attention while sometimes making us laugh. Those were the days, my friends….

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Gaffney/1450547336 Matt Gaffney

    “The Beginning of the End” with the giant grasshoppers. That one was a real winner.

    • Bruce Reber

      Another one I haven’t seen for ages – with a pre “Mission:Impossible” Peter Graves.

  • Markht

    OK, yeah, it was cheesy.  The monster looked like a goofy Thanksgivingday turkey with ….teeth?!  “THE GIANT CLAW” is a film so bad it’s good.  It’s a great film in that catagory.
    One thing I like about many of these old SF films is however “shlocky” they may be many seem to have one thing in common; the people involved pull together as Americans often do and figure out just how to deal with the monster, beast, no matter how terrifyingly silly of ridiculously terrifying it is.

  • Filmax

    THE THING WITH TWO HEADS (Ray Milland & Rosi Greir)

    • Bruce Reber

      This awful clunker is proof that sometimes two heads AREN’T always better than one!

  • oldsalt1952

    The Incredible Melting Man from the mid-seventies. The only way he could slow down his melting was to consume human flesh. The movie ended strangely. The monster melted into a pile of goo and he was picked up by a janitor and put in a garbage can.

  • Charlie_ray

    I (dis)respectfully nominate the mutant sea creatures from The Horror Of Party Beach.  From the ping-pong ball eyes to the gaping mouth that appears to be stuffed full of hot dogs(!) they are my favorite cheesy movie monsters.  (Of couse, there’s also the moldy carpet draped over some crawling teens that passes for The Creeping Terror . . .) 

    • Smilee306

      Totally agree, that it a ridiculous monster – what is up with the hot dog mouth?  Too funny!

  • Tom

    I was rather taken by really bad “The Slime People.” (1963) which actually did feature someone I had heard of,  Les Tremayne.  Perhaps it was because I was young and in love (and stoned) but we watched it together one late late Saturday evening, and that probably colored my imrpessions.  I even kept my old VHS copy – what was that monster, anyway, a rubber suited something (you could see the zipeprs on the back!)

    • Bruce Reber

      See my reply to Trsprtgr.

  • Trsprtgr

    As a kid it scared me witless, but as an adult, I had to ask myself why.  The Jellyfish Man in the Sting of Death was preposterous, a plastic bag inflated on his head, and wires and/or garden hoses for stingers?  C’mon, how dumb do you think we are?

    • Bruce Reber

      Yeah, it was dumb, but that’s what made those low/no budget horror/sci-fi movies so specially cool!

  • Nbrawdy

    Two come to mind…KONGA and THE ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT WOMAN.  There was more action in the cartoons for the snack bar.

  • Bmeupdee7

    Am I confusing my movies?  I thought the picture depicting “Robot Monster” was actually called, “Plan 9 From Outer Space.”  As I remember, the ‘alien’ in that was laughable because of the gorilla suit and diving helmet.  Was Plan 9 renamed??   

    • Gary Cahall

      Sorry, Bmeupdee, but you’re conflating two movies. Robot Monster’s helmeted space ape, known as Ro-Man, attacked a scientist and his family somewhere in the desert. Ed Wood’s classic Plan 9 from Outer Space had two human-looking aliens bringing the dead back to life in a cheap cemetery set. Their zombified minions included Tor Johnson, Vampira, and a chiropractor standing in for the late Bela Lugosi.

      • edro3111

        Correct Gary. And still my favorite worst movie of all time. Of course Ed Wood was known as ‘One Take” Wood so mistakes weren’t even considered to be re-shot or edited out!

  • dog888k

    The mole people in The Mole People were supposed to be scary, but you could see the zippers in the back of their costumes. What was scary in the movie was the scene of the girls  going out in the sunlight to be burned as a sacrifice, and their burned bodies being carried back.

  • Nils Goering

    Worst Movie Monsters?  The list seems endless

    ANY TOHO MONSTER from the 1960s and 1970s – Godzilla and his cohorts never looked sillier
    ANY MEXICAN MONSTER from the 1960s – looney looking beasties from South of the Border
    ANY SWORD AND SANDAL THEMED MOVIE from the 1950s and 1960s – the Peplum boys – Hercules, Samson, Maciste, Goliath and other muscle heads battle some of the cheeziest monsters of ancient days
    LOST CONTINENT (1951) – stinko dinosaurs and Cesar Romero
    THE PHANTOM PLANET – Dog-face mutant incites laughs on an asteroid
    THE KILLER SHREWS – dogs tricked out with phony fangs Woof!
    CRUMMY BIG SPIDERS – ‘Cat Women of the Moon’, ‘Missile to the Moon’, ‘World Without End’ and ‘Queen of Outer Space’ all hosted cheap and shoddy arachnids
    ROBOT MONSTER – an ape in a space helmet? Really!?! And in 3D? Terrible not terrifying!
    THE GIANT CLAW – The big turkey puppet might have worked in one of Gerry Anderson’s tv puppet shows but not in this alleged serious SF outing
    REPTILICUS – Another puppet monster more suited for a Gerry Anderson tv series
    THE CREEPING TERROR – worse than the Horla creature on ‘Star Trek’
    BRIDE OF THE MONSTER – Tor Johnson and a rubber octopus add up to zero thrills
    THE GREEN SLIME – nasty little rubber tubers running amok in a space vehicle

    I could come up with more horrible horrors if I gave more thought to the matter – but, to what avail?  Everyone reading this can furnish their own list of miserable monsters that ate our time and money.  I agree that often it was a brilliant movie poster that lured us into the theater with the promise of big thrills.  We were unaware that the poster’s artwork was the biggest thrill (and viewed for Free!) and the movie itself delivered disappointment (and cost us the price of admission and concessions).  And, many of us were suckered more than several times in our hope for matching excitement to the poster’s dramatic Illustrations.

    • hypatiab7

      Horta. An you leave Momma Pizza Monster alone!

      • John Fraraccio

        I second that. Scary episode when I first saw its broadcast premiere. Spock mind melds with the one, the only, “The Amazing Janos” Prohaska!

  • Christinekay

    I remember watching “From Hell It Came” many years ago.  One thing that struck me was that the tree moved rather slowly and people could outrun it fairly easily.  So how come it always managed to catch up with them ….???  
    My knowledge of physics has never been very good, so I really can’t explain that one.  
    Another “so bad it’s good” horror film is Williams Castle’s “Homicidal” which was such an obvious ripoff of “Psycho”, it was actually rather appealing.  You can see the supposed twist in the tale a mile off, but at least it’s entertaining!

    • verneaux

      The other thing about Tabonga was that if the girl fainted, Tabonga couldn’t get her because the tree couldn’t bend. So not only did you have to stand still but you also had to be upright for Tabonga to catch you…

  • dog888k

    A movie I saw once on late night TV that is disturbing for the “math logic” of it is Count Yorga, Vampire. The premise was that when the Count bit someone that person instantly became a vampire and went out and bit someone else- who then became a vampire. So all the teens, cops, cab drivers, and anyone else in the flick became a vamp. Mathematically, by now Everyone should be a vampire. Maybe we all are.

  • bonaparte3

    “Robot Monster” is really one of my all-time favorite cheezy films, right up there with auteur Ed Wood’s “Bride of the Monster.” Which is funnier- an alien wearing a diving helmet atop a gorilla suit or Bela Lugosi wrestling with a rubber octopus?

    • Bruce Reber

      How about Bela Lugosi wrestling with an alien in a gorilla suit with a helmet on top? Now that would be even FUNNIER!!!

    • Bruce Reber

      Or maybe the alien space suit/helmet wearing gorilla wrestling with the rubber octopus – just as funny!

  • Grammarzoid

    re your note on Blood Freak: turkeys don’t have “waddle necks” – the folds of flesh hanging down on turkey necks are “wattles.” You can look it up.

  • thegrouchomarxist

    Somehow I’m thinking Jeff Morrow never mentioned the turkey buzzard puppet looking anything like Paris Hilton’s dog in 1957! She wasn’t even born, much less the dog.

  • Nick

    Surely you cannot forget “Frogs” from 1972 (I think) with Ray Milland and Sam Elliott. It was especially cheesy because we saw it at a drive in, and the projectionist got the reels out of order so we were seeing people who had been killed by these normal sized frogs, come back to life in a later reel. It was really awful.

  • Nick

    The movie, “THEM” was one of my all-time favorites even though the special effect giant ants were very cheesy. Sometimes their legs weren’t touching the ground. Maybe that movie could be improved with a remake and modern CGI.

  • Peter Tonkin

    What about Dogora the space monster, eponymous beastie in another Toho masterpiece (1964): kind of space jellyfish that sucked up carbon (including diamonds) and was finally despatched by missiles with bee-venom warheads?

  • Bruce Reber

    Speaking of The Thing With Two Heads, what about The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant (1971), with Bruce Dern (he’s the only one of the cast I remember). It was a Horror/Biker Film hybrid, and just as hilariously awful as TTWTH! Or another one, Stanley (1972) about an embittered Vietnam vet (played by Chris Robinson) living in the Florida swamps with his pet rattlesnake named (you guessed it, Stanley!), which he’s trained to put the bite (literally) on his enemies. My favorite scene from this one-when Alex Rocco dives into his swimming pool without looking and, well if you haven’t seen it I won’t spoil it. Definitely not for Herpetophobes! Or another one in the same vein, Hssss! (1973) featuring Strother Martin (the Captain from Cool Hand Luke “what we’ve got here is failure to communicate”!) as a Herpetologist trying to turn Dirk Benedict (later of Battlestar Galactica) into a king cobra, and who also uses his slithering friends to do his evil bidding. But for the all-time goofiest horror film monster, IMO nothing can touch the giant mutant cucumber in It Conquered The World! (1957).

  • Bill P

    The Swedish monster movie Reptilicus (1961) has to be the worst ever and should hold the top spot for worst monster movies and still holds a place in all us old timer monster movie lovers. lol

  • Gord Jackson

    THE GIANT CLAW certainly gets my vote as the #1 WORST EVER schlocky monster epic I’ve ever seen. However the other day I also watched the cabbage-patch kids doing their alcohol-squirting thing in INVASION OF THE SAUCER MEN, an interminable 72 minute opus that seems to run longer than GONE WITH THE WIND. Still you’ve got to love those little green men (in black and white of course) with the cabbage-sized heads. A hoot when first released (as the lower half of an A.I.P. d/bill headlined by I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF), it’s now just a lugubrious slog from the ridiculous to the sublime (slime), lol.

  • roger

    You forgot Rubber a tire from a car killing people.

  • Ed the Red

    How about the super-intelligent carrot from 1951′s The Thing from Another World?

    • hypatiab7

      Marshall Dillon was playing a Martian (?) astronaut. A very nasty one. Lots of people call him Carrotman, since he was an intelligent vegetable. I always wondered if being frozen for so long damaged whatever he used for a brain.

  • Bruce Reber

    Another goofy one – “Monster On Campus” (1958), with Skip Homeier as a college professor who turns into a giant Coelocanth (prehistoric fish) after coming into contact with the blood of said fish.

    • Louis Martinez

      That was Arthur Franz not Skip Homeier. Skip was in the Outer Limits episode “Expanding Human”

      • Bruce Reber

        Thanks for the correction. MOC is another movie I haven’t seen in a while. I think Franz was also in “Invaders From Mars” (he played the father).

  • Tommyb

    What about these 1950-60′s classics:
    Rodan, Invaders from Mars, The Hideous Sun Demon, Carnival of Souls, Giant from the Unknown, The Crawling Eye, The Amazing Colossal Man, War of the Colossal Beast, The Giant Behemoth, The Flesh Eaters, The She Demons, Curse of the Demon, It the Terror from Beyond Space, The Beast of Hollow Mountain, The Monolith Monsters, The Flying Serpent, The Monster from Green Hell, Gorgo, The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, The Mole People, The Monster from Piedras Blancas, World Without End, The Monster that Challenged the World.

  • Fred B.

    There was a story going around when “King Kong” and “A star is Born” with Barbra Streisand opened around the same time. Jon Peters the “Stars” producer was at a party and “Kong”s producer Dino DeLaurentiis was there also. Well; the story goes that Peters was bragging that “Star” was doing better box office then “Kong” was to which Dino replies “Well no wonder. After all your monkey can sing”…..

  • Jim McC.

    No one has mentioned a personal favorite of mine, “Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars!”. A very badly shot film that only cost a few thousand dollars to make, it really stands out, and leaves you with your mouth open and jaw on the floor. As Joe Bob Briggs said: “This story has it all – sex, violence and major household appliances!” Many millions of years ago tiny little Martians used earth as a lab to create new life forms, including humans. Ten million years later they return and find the human experiment a total failure. So, to solve the problem, they decide to mate a human being with a vacuum cleaner in order to create a new species that will be much better at cleaning up after itself! However, a programming error made by a drunken Martian sends out the highly oversexed vacuum cleaner on a wild rampage of rape, murder and overall bad manners. This movie runs 83 minutes and is available as a DVD, though it may be very hard to find.

  • clg

    I remember two inane movies from the 50’s. One was a Japanese sic-fi flick whose budget was apparently so low that we saw a jet fighter pilot fly his plane over a “snowy mountain” made of ice cubes and the dialogue was so bad it made us laugh. (I can’t remember the title.) The other was a film about the last family on earth battling RO-MAN, a space-helmeted thing from Mars who seemed to want to kidnap a little boy. The Martian atmosphere was depicted with bubbles from a bubble machine. (Was the title “RO-MAN? I may never know.)

    • hypatiab7

      The absolute worst Japanese super-hero has got to be Starman. This loon bursts out laughing occasionally when he’s fighting bad guys. And, unlike Superman, he doesn’t seem to mind killing baddies. He just picks up a gun or two that were dropped on the
      floor or deck and starts killing every evil alien he can. The words “Let aliens surrender. We need information we can get from them.” (or whatever) apparently means nothing to him. And while he, like Superman can fly through space, it appears that Starman can stand in space, too, though you can’t see whatever he’s standing on. And, I wanted to throw the guy doing a explanation of what was going on (a voiceover) out of an open airlock.. The guy playing Starman is, I’d guess, an ex-acrobat and/or wrestler who is middle-aged, not good-looking and a bit pudgy. He’s awful, and the movies are even worse. I used to think that Mexican vampire movies were the worst. Then, I saw
      Starman.

  • kc88

    Manos…the hands of fate! I was so glad to see it on screen, and oh my god there are no words to describe it. The only scary thing was it was shot in my hometown El Paso.

  • HelenS

    How about The Tree Monster about a man who broke some tribal law and was buried alive, upright in a tree trunk, only to come back to life, tree and all and attack people?

  • OZ ROB

    Black vinyl clad alien Nyah (Patricia Laffan) is quite something as the Devil Girl From Mars, on an invading mission to Earth for suitable male breeding stock to repopulate her own planet, having pitilessly wiped out all Martian males. Ruthless,she is armed with ray gun and robot this is a B movie classic from the British in 1954.