Two Dozen Bad Movie Quotes I’m Thankful For

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Yesterday on this very page we were fortunate to have guest blogger Joe Elmore of share his top 10 favorite film lines with us. It’s a popular topic among even novice movie buffs, because over the last few decades or so such phrases as “Here’s looking at you, kid,” “Well, nobody’s perfect,” “Show me the money” and so forth have become familiar parts of the pop culture lexicon. Everyone, it seems, has a line from a classic film they love to share.

And, let’s be honest, that’s part of the problem. We all know them and they’re in danger of being overused. Someone’s in a crowded carpool and comments, “You’re going to need a bigger boat,” and the other passengers nod knowingly. Someone enters a party and announces “Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy night,” and the other guests nod knowingly. From “Rosebud” to “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse,” Hollywood’s best films have been quoted (and misquoted–take that, “Luke, I am your father!”) pretty much to death.

Luckily, there’s an even richer lode of cinematic ore just sitting around waiting to be mined. I’m speaking, of course, about bad movie quotes. Let’s face it, some of the funniest, oddest and most unforgettable lines have come courtesy of the worst pictures ever made. And often, the more inept the film or filmmaker (thanks, Ed Wood), the better the quote. With that in mind, on this day before Thanksgiving I’d like to offer up a sampler plate of tasty Tinseltown turkey: 24 delicious bits of dialogue from some of my favorite cheesy movies. In alphabetical order, they are:


“You have to listen! You have to listen to what the bees have to say!” — Angel Tompkins, The Bees

“Face it, Mama. I was the slut of all time!” — Elizabeth Taylor, Butterfield 8

“You pilots are such men!” “They don’t call it a cockpit for nothing!” — Sylvia Kristel and George Kennedy, The Concorde: Airport ’79

“You’re beautiful in your wrath!” — John Wayne, The Conqueror

“It’s turkey time. Gobble, gobble.” — Jennifer Lopez, Gigli

“The world is a strange place. All those cars, all going someplace. All carrying humans, which are carrying out their lives.” — Timothy Farrell, Glen or Glenda

HARRAD EXPERIMENT“I’d like to meet the kid that I was when I was five years old, because I think he’s the only person on the planet who knows who I really am.” — Don Johnson, The Harrad Experiment

“Speak. I know you have a civil tongue in your head because I sewed it back myself.” — Whit Bissell, I Was a Teenage Frankenstein

CARRADINE, JOHN“That’s a lot of man you’re carryin’ in those boots, stranger!” — John Carradine, Johnny Guitar

“There’s got to be more to life than fighting for fish heads!” — voice of James Franciscus, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

MOMENT BY MOMENT 2“I’ve had it with cheap sex. It leaves me feeling cheap.” –John Travolta, Moment by Moment (Hey, Universal Vault, why isn’t this out of DVD yet?)

“Where are my tits?! Where are my tits?!” — Rex Reed, Myra Breckinridge

NIGHT OF THE LEPUS 4“Ladies and gentlemen, attention! There is a herd of killer rabbits headed this way!” — Phillip Avenetti, Night of the Lepus

“Oh, Dusty! You’re an angel in leather!” “Heh, heh, I’d look funny with leather wings.” — Madeleine Carroll and Gary Cooper, North West Mounted Police

“You lie down with pigs, you come up smelling like garbage.” — Tony Bennett, The Oscar

Plan-9-From-Outer-Space-Dialogue“We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.” –Criswell, Plan 9 from Outer Space

“You see, Mr. Scott, in the water I’m a very skinny lady.” — Shelley Winters, The Poseidon Adventure

“Pain don’t hurt.” — Patrick Swayze, Road House

ROBOT MONSTER 3I cannot, yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do ‘must’ and ‘cannot’ meet? Yet I must, but I cannot!” — voice of John Brown, Robot Monster

“He respects the classics, but from a sitting position, not on his knees.” — Alex Nicol (talking about Liberace), Sincerely Yours

SUSAN-SLADE“How’d you like me to saddle up your old boyfriend?” — Troy Donahue (talking about Connie Stevens’ horse), Susan Slade

“I know people look at me and think that I’m just the guy behind the aspirin counter, but inside I love you!” — Fred MacMurray, The Swarm

“Ted Casablanca is not a fag! And I’m the dame that can prove it!”  — Patty Duke, Valley of the Dolls

WHERE LOVE HAS GONE“When you’re dying from thirst, you’ll drink from a mudhole.” — Susan Hayward, Where Love Has Gone


What’s that, you say? You have a favorite line of bad movie madness that I overlooked? By all means, feel free to share it in the comments sections!