People love to flog The Three Stooges for their excessive onscreen violence—but any casual review of the history of cinema reveals that if there’s one thing that all movie characters apparently love to do (more than shoot each other, anyway), it’s slap one another around.
Because I’m not quite ready yet with my Top 10 of the Year (still one or two more possible candidates to screen), I’ve decided to fill this week’s empty slot with my name on it by offering up one last “listicle” to leave us punch-drunk over the craziness that was 2013.
I’ll do it with the help of a fabulous video mashup—but first, in brief, my five (plus one) favorite palm-meets-face moments, in no particular order:
Peter Lorre, in The Maltese Falcon, is one of the great slap recipients of all time. It’s not bad enough that the treacherous Mary Astor gives Lorre’s oily Joel Cairo a good smack; it’s that Sam Spade adds insult to injury by telling him when you’re slapped, you’ll take it, and like it…and then proceeds to give Cairo a good few messy wallops himself.
At the top of this piece, we see a good example of Faye Dunaway dishing it out in Mommie Dearest. Here, we see that she gets as good as she gives. Jack Nicholson takes it right to Dunaway’s cheeks when he’s good and tired of being deceived—and then, after a cruel series of smacks, he understands just how much Mrs. Mulwray had to hide. She’s my sister! She’s my daughter! went on to become one of the great camp memes, but once you’re under the Polanski spell here, it’s anything but funny.
I find corporal punishment to be an idiocy, an animal urge that, like certain other animal urges, people should be enlightened enough to overcome. There can be little doubt that most modern-day advocates for the disabled would have great difficulty getting behind the response Anne Sullivan (Anne Bancroft) has to getting wailed on by Helen Keller (Patty Duke). And yet—never has disciplining a willful child (not to mention one who is also blind and deaf) been so funny, touching, and ultimately, full of love.
A woman slapping a man for insulting her honor or making untoward advances? Too commonplace—in the movies and in real life. Let’s go instead with this moment from Jaws, where a slap really counts for something. Chief Brody (Roy Scheider) isn’t quite expecting this kind of greeting from Mrs. Kintner (Lee Fierro); he’s the good guy, after all. But somehow, even though it was really the Mayor of Shark City who’s responsible for her son’s death, Brody did “let” the beaches stay open, didn’t he? I can already hear certain among you thinking: Capitalism doesn’t kill people. Sharks kill people!, but moments like this are what make Jaws so much more than “just” a thrilling adventure film or a blockbuster horror movie.
(As a side note: I haven’t done any kind of actual homework on this, but since Jaws routinely tops my list of Favorite Movies of All Time, I sort of wonder if there’s any list I haven’t somehow made it a part of)
And finally…
The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!
Because a gal can always use an extra hand.
Now, let me slap you upside the head with this bonus:
You might think, hey, there’s no slap in this scene. Ah, but there was: offscreen. Already well-known for occasionally deploying this unconventional “directing” technique (having been inspired by hearing stories of it used by other auteurs like John Ford), William Friedkin recounts the filming of this unforgettably sad moment from the climax of The Exorcist in his autobiography The Friedkin Connection—when William O’Malley, the real-life priest portraying Father Dyer, experienced great difficulty reaching the emotional heights necessary to deliver the last rites over Jason Miller’s Father Damien Karras, who had just sacrificed himself to save young Regan MacNeil.
According to Friedkin, as everyone was freezing cold and laboring under the intense pressure of having already filmed thirty-plus unsatisfactory takes, he approached O’Malley and asked the non-actor if he “loved” and “trusted” him. Getting an affirmative, Friedkin prepared the crew to roll on a moment’s notice and then slapped O’Malley across the face, as hard as he could. The take they then filmed is the scene you see in the film.
Only in the movies, right? This gesture would get your average employer arrested. In the pursuit of great art, the rules are occasionally—very occasionally—a little different. O’Malley reportedly thanked and embraced Friedkin after the take was over.
Now let’s enjoy this wild compilation of the welts left upon us by some of film history’s greatest slap scenes. There’s some profanity, so turn the volume down if necessary!
Jeff Smith (who made the above video), followed up with a sequel, should you desire some more sterling cinematic swats. Clearly, my list of five (plus one), and this hard-hitting montage, still leaves out plenty of blows to be delivered by you—by contributing your favorite moments when movie characters gave or received the one-handed reprimand. Put ‘em smack-dab in the comments.