Hollywood never met a good idea that it couldn’t beat into the ground. Or a bad but successful one for that matter. There has been endless hand-wringing over the years about the lack of originality in Hollwyood…not entirely an unfair thing given the sheer volume of sequels that the movie studios thrust onto audiences like stale pretzel bites. And while The Godfather, Part II and The Empire Strikes Back are still the gold standard for film follow-ups, sequels tend to me more of the Weekend at Bernie’s II or, help us, Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives variety.
Enter Jaws: The Revenge.
This 1987 sequel that nobody wanted or needed does nothing more than tarnish the original’s legacy. In the film, Lorraine Gary (reprising her role from the first two films) is now a widower, traveling to the Bahamas and believing that Great White Sharks are actually out to get the members of her family. This is not played for laughs, nor is the film a smart rumination on post-traumatic stress disorder brought on by the death of her beloved Chief Brody. If either of these circumstances were the case, the movie’s existence would at least be justified, and it could have potentially breathed new life into a stale franchise. Instead, the picture is on head-scratching decision after another, save for the check-cashing presence of Michael Caine as lovable pilot Hoagie. Caine’s acting ability is so great that he actually makes his scenes watchable. It’s just too bad that the film he is stuck in is such a stinker. The less said about the jaw-dropping fakeness of the shark featured within the better, but if nothing else, Jaws: The Revenge is responsible for the greatest three-word bit of trivia ever included on the IMDB: Sharks don’t roar.
So that’s a bit about the worst sequel I’ve ever seen. Now I want to hear what you think. What further installment is unwatchable in your eyes, and why? And yes, you can name as many as you like. Just don’t make me watch Jaws: The Revenge again, I beg of you.