Here is the third installment of Movie Mash-ups. Like the first article, I’ve sliced & diced two real film plots—listed at the end of each synopsis—and then pasted them together again to form a new, totally made-up movie that crazily might be worth watching! (And watch this space for the final chapter dealing again with movie poster mash-ups.)
Beyond a Doubt
Life is in their hands. Death is on their minds. Jurors are sequestered together to vote upon the guilt or innocence of a hapless Latino defendant. As the men mill about, one lone juror has a major concern: The whole thing had been a shakedown. It was bullshit. The whole rap was a setup. You don’t put guys like them in a room together. And slowly they come to the realization that the captured Argentinean holds the key to why they were all together in the first place, as well as the answer to who is Keyser Soze.
• 12 Angry Men; The Usual Suspects
In the year 2020 player/coach Reggie Dunlap’s Charlestown Chiefs are a poor hockey team on the verge of collapse. After the mysterious acquisition of the Hansen brothers the team’s fortunes improve dramatically, raising allegations by rival team owner Rick Deckard that something is not quite right with the Hansen trio. Looking to “retire” the three, a Voight-Kampff test would confirm Deckard’s suspicions of their seemingly unnatural abilities. But dreams of a unicorn has Deckard questioning whether he could, or should, go through with it.
• Blade Runner; Slap Shot
The Dirty Brat Pack
They were five total strangers, with nothing in common, meeting for the first time. A brain, a beauty, a jock, a rebel and a recluse. Before the day was over, they broke the rules. Bared their souls. And touched each other in a way they never dreamed possible. Gathered together at detention they had been convicted by their peers as stereotypes. How would they overcome their differences and escape being pigeonholed? By taking on a dangerous mission behind enemy lines. Train them! Excite them! Arm them! Then turn them loose on the Nazis! It’s a suicide mission, but it is the only way they can redeem themselves in the eyes of others.
• The Breakfast Club; The Dirty Dozen
Jamaican Me Crazy
Have we got a vacation for you! Angela Bassett is an uptight stockbroker who reluctantly embarks with girlfriend Whoopi Goldberg to a much-needed escape to Jamaica. While Whoopi soaks up the sun Angela finds herself in a blossoming romance with a much younger man (Taye Diggs). But just as things are looking up an island virus causes the native Jamaicans to act erratically. Sweet Taye becomes a merciless Gunslinger, who proceeds to mow down an unsuspecting Whoopi. What was once a frivolous adventure has transformed into a vacation from hell for Angela! The climactic scene has Angela face to face(?) with the unrelenting gunslinger.
• How Stella Got Her Groove Back; Westworld
No Man is Just a Number
Superspy James Bond wakes up one day in The Village wondering how & why he is there. Under strict authoritarian rule, there is no drinking, gambling or sexual fraternization; additionally, any activity considered “leisurely” has to be approved by a seemingly unending chain of command. At first 007 tries desperately to break out of this stifling environment. But as time passes he slowly realizes that all the rules & regulations of the Village have made him mentally & physically tougher and more at peace with himself. Is this a prison or a paradise? And who exactly has sent him here—his superiors? Enemies? Or himself?
• The Prisoner; James Bond series
Burt Reynolds stars as fun-loving good-old-boy smuggler, Bandit. On a bet he is hired to deliver contraband across state lines. So, with his Wookie pal Chewbacca, he sets off with Luke and “Frog” to transport them in his Millennium Firebird to their destination in a county far, far away. But hot on their trail is Vader, a shadowy sinister tyrant they nickname “Smokey,” who is as determined to stop them as they are on accomplishing their mission. Can they force their way through the many roadblocks Smokey puts up, or will the dark side win out?
• Smokey and the Bandit; Star Wars