05.07.10 | Jason Marcewicz | Staff NotesPrint this Post
Confusing, dull, vapid, or just plain dumb, here are the film taglines that represent the best of the worst. Read ‘em and weep.
Everything interesting begins in the mind
Basic Instinct 2
Okaaay. But what explains this uninteresting mess of a movie?
Titans will clash
Clash of the Titans (2010)
In case you didn’t figure it out from the title...
When a girl has a heart of stone, there’s only one way to melt it. Just add Ice.
Cool As Ice
Doesn’t just make no sense. It makes no sense on multiple levels.
An event...
Earthquake
Thankfully hyperbole-free; unfortunately adjective-free as well.
Hombre means man… Paul Newman is Hombre!
Hombre
So Paul Newman is man. Swell.
Evil loves to party
House on Haunted Hill
...yeah, but they hate the clean-up the next day.
This time…it’s personal
Jaws: The Revenge
Oh, we’ve offended a shark, have we? Hurt his feelings? Perhaps we should’ve called a timeout and honestly expressed how we feel about each other…man-to-shark?
What happens when the numbers run out?
Knowing
The letters run in???
The magic is back!
Lethal Weapon 2
I remember lots of ass-kicking in the first. Magic? Not so much.
The magic is back again!
Lethal Weapon 3
Oof. And so is the same lame tagline.
Everything that has a beginning has an end
The Matrix Revolutions
To quote Keanu himself: “Whoa!”
Slam Evil!
The Phantom
Wouldn’t be so bad if the Phantom wrestled for the WWE.
Laugh. Cry. Share the pants.
The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants
Crappy title. Crappy tag. In short, crappy pants.
Fear the sky
Stealth
What, “dread the air” was already taken?
• What you don’t believe can kill you
• It happened to someone who knows someone you know...YOU’RE NEXT
Urban Legend
Urban Legend goes for the gusto with not just one, but two baffling tags. You try figuring them out…
One of my favorites: "Love means never having to say you're sorry." (Love Story)
"It's as wild as her hair!"
DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE TRAVELING SALESLADY? (1968)
Er, wig. (Phyllis Diller's, that is.)
A SUMMER PLACE - Richard Egan commenting on the pregnancy of his unwed daughter - "All we need is a sense of humor and we'll get through this just fine"....or words to that effect.
the tagline for GORGO (1961): "Like Nothing You've Ever Seen Before" - you mean like a man in a rubber monster suit smashing down a toy city? Even by 1961 there were already two Godzilla movies. However, GORGO does have, arguably, THE GREATEST movie poster art EVER! It's thrilling, dramatic, compositionally perfect and light years better than most every movie poster art (from any genre of film) prior to its creation and every movie poster art since its release.
Favorite movie quote I don't understand from My Darling Clementine
Henry Fonda as Wyatt Earp says to the bartender " You ever been in love, Mike?"
He responds "Nope, I've been a bartender all me life."
GORGO was basicly about a mother's love for her child. GORGO was the child. Mama came to get her child, destroyed London, got what she wanted and went back to the sea.
As for the Wyatt Earp quote being a bartender meant he's been single all his life.
My favorite tagline of all time for a bad movie was from Return of the Killer Tomatoes. "They're back and this time they're really stewed!"
I agree about the Love Story tagline.One of the most inane lines ever! I bet it took a room full of writers all night to come up with that drivel!!